THE POWER OF THOUGHT

Have you ever been thinking about something so ferociously that it literally becomes an obsession?  We hate to used the word obsession or "OCD" because it implies that we are unstable or not mentally sound, but I would argue that all of us find ourselves falling into this trap every now and then.  My latest obsession -- letting go of something where I have no control. 

I have spent the last week or so wrestling with the thoughts of confusion and vignettes of the past in my sleep.  At one point I even woke up and said out loud "Stop!".  I wanted more than anything to have my mind shut down, ease into sleep, and to wake up with a smile on my face  in recognition of the many blessings in my life. 

I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I am still struggling with my most recent break-up, which in real time has hit the 2 month mark -- for a 6 month relationship!  Not a statistic that I am proud of.  I find myself nostalgic for the way that I felt in the relationship and the life that I lived.  I was happy.  I was in love.  I was excited for just about anything.  And I was busy sharing all of this joy with someone else. 

I have been told, by myself and others, that what happened is beyond my control.  He had issues, I did nothing wrong, he can't/doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, I can do nothing to fix it or change it, and it is time to move on.  So let's get this straight:  I was happy and a good person and then this joyful chapter ended through no fault of my own and without any of my input allowed.  Total bullshit.

Letting go is hard.  Letting go of things that we have no control over is even harder.  I am a firm believer in the power of thought and what influence it has on how we experience our daily lives.  This obsession feels like a brick sitting on my heart valve -- the one that usually pumps highly oxygenated blood throughout my body to create energy and excitement.  The best thing to do is surrender and I am putting my best foot forward to do just that.  I will surrender to a higher power that things happen for reasons we don't understand and then we must accept these things in which we have no power of influence. 

I  started a habit of affirmations last night when I lay down to sleep and I will keep these affirmations going until I feel my mind and soul let go and stop the wrestling:  I am thankful for the many blessings in my life.  I pray for the light and goodness of the future.  And I smile knowing that He is watching over me.

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