IN A BREAK-UP, WHO GETS....THE FRIENDS?

I am preparing to throw a fantastic dinner party this coming weekend and had to make a decision on the guest list a few weeks ago as I prepared to mail out the invitations.  There was one name in particular that I stared at for quite some time  -- unsure what to do.  He had become a dear friend of mine this past year and someone I really enjoyed having in my life -- but I met him through The Ex.

I contemplated on the "appropriateness" of including him at the dinner party table as he would be integrated with many chapters of my life, including family members, but then I also realized the background for each of the other contenders and saw that for at least 5 of them the common thread was an ex of some kind.

In the movie The Holiday there is this little old man that befriends Kate Winslet and he relates the modern day Hollywood (and life in general) to the patterns and quirks of the Hollywood Golden Era -- life in Tinseltown.  It is the sweetest character that I have ever come across in a movie as he looks through his 'Tinseltown' glasses at so many situations and at one point he describes to Kate that what she just experienced was the "Meet Cute".  The point in a film when two characters are brought together in a spontaneous moment and from there the relationship begins to develop.

I had experienced my 'Meet Cute' with many friends, new and old, over the years through a former lover.  It was just a fact.  I am a personable young lady that appreciates developing relationships with those I can immediately relate to and I happened to develop these relationships beyond the relationship status of my lovers.

So naturally, I posted his name on the envelope and placed it in the mail.  I am prepared for the backlash that might come from those that feel when you experience a break up it is best to pack up all of your things, including your friendships, and go your separate ways.  People, and relationships, run a deeper connection than the egg poacher or margarita machine that might have been shared by a couple.  I'll take the poacher and you can have all the margs you want -- but I don't want to have to end some fantastic friendships after my lover served up the Meet Cute.

Now here is the kicker -- and it might leave you in a fit -- since I feel like I carry the weight of a broken heart after the most recent breakup, I have decided he isn't allowed to have access to any of my friends.  The fringe friends you can have all you want, but my 'besties' have seen the bruises of the heart and know where their loyalties lie.  A double standard?  Absolutely.  So the question remains...In a break up, who gets the friends?