BLOUSE versus BRAIN

I recently attended two different major industry conferences, both of which had a turnout of a couple thousand people. To say that I represented the minority in attendance as a young female is an understatement.  If 'The Betting Boss' in Vegas were to draw the line at 15 for percentage of women at the convention versus men then I would definitely take the under. And for women under 35 -- we probably represented less than 2%. 

I normally don't mind the role of standing out and doing my best to represent women as a force to be reckoned with in business.  After all, we are just as intelligent and capable as the man standing next to us -- and likely a bit more modest.  But something was different about the conference kick-off dinner.  For the first time in my entire career, I felt defensive.  I was defensive of my female status (obviously not something that I have control over or any desire to change) and defensive of my professional position.  I sat down at the table and was surrounded by men ranging 10-40 years my senior and they looked at me wide-eyed and confused.  I can only imagine what they were thinking -- something along the lines of "I can't wait to look for her hot pink Barbie Corvette in the valet lot".  I knew within 2 minutes of conversation that the next hour and a half would be a mix of silently sitting there and listening to their banter (aka 'pissing contest') about their latest deals, selecting moments to contribute with confidence to the conversation, and then prepare for the spit to fly right back at me.  And guess what, that's exactly what happened. 

As I attended the meeting the next day, I was a bit more demure when walking into the breakfast room.  I didn't sleep well the night before and I wasn't in the mood to spend an entire day continuing to defend my right to be there and to wear the name badge stating my company and position.  Much to my surprise, I spent both breakfast and lunch visiting with industry professionals that were warm, respectful, and complimentary.  By the end of the day I was standing a bit taller, my eyes were once again smiling, and I had a handful of new colleagues that I am sure would be considered friends in the years to come.

Regardless of whether or not we are in a 'Male Dominated Industry', the question will always be relevant to a young, and especially somewhat attractive, female (not trying to toot my horn, but I have long blonde hair that I am not afraid to curl and where down with a pencil skirt) -- 'Which is my bigger asset to getting noticed:  my blouse or my brain?' 

To command respect, there is no doubt that intelligence and class will reign supreme.  But what about the first impression?  The moment that warrants an introductory conversation?  Is he approaching me, talking to me, expressing interest in working with me because of my blouse or my brain?

I am not an ultra-feminist as I believe that our society has come a long way in not only accepting women in business, but also promoting and encouraging women to pursue the same opportunities and dreams as young men.  But like anything else in life, there are always the 'exceptions'.  At that dinner table, I met an exception (or two or three) and it took my breath away -- a real kick to the gut.  However, the next morning I was surrounded by intelligent men and women that helped me build back the confidence that makes me believe I have worked hard and earned my place in the boardroom.

We can't control or avoid the exceptions, but we can take a stand to not be one.  We need to lift each other up with words of encouragement, respect, and acknowledgement.  I will continue to face the 'Blouse versus Brain' conundrum in my career, but I must remember that for each exception there will be another colleague willing to look me in the eye with respect instead of look right past me.  

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