POLLYANNA

I have been told that I suffer from a 'Pollyanna Complex'.  When I googled the meaning of Pollyanna, dictionary.com gave me two definitions:  (1) an excessively or blindly optimistic person (2) 'Pollyannaish' as an adj. meaning unreasonably or illogically optimistic.   The words in black and white are not nearly as flattering as the image of a young Hayley Mills in the 1960's seeing hope and love in an otherwise forlorn town. 

Still, I want to believe in the good in people and in the power of change! 

Unfortunately, if this past weekend is any illustration of what the reality of change is for most of my friends and peers over the hump of their mid 20's, I have to accept that despite hope and faith...people don't really change. 

I am happy to say that I made it through the weekend without slapping Ex #2 across the face, but for you to know why this is of any significance I need to flash back to April 2010.  I had been seeing #2 for a little over a year and was madly in love.  I was having visions of the USC Marching Band at our wedding and wondering if he would propose at the summit of Machu Picchu where we planned to be exactly one month later on our big trip.  Out of the blue, things were starting to spiral and his behavior dramatically changed -- but I wasn't ready to see what was really happening as I was blinded by the hope that comes with being in love.  Then one night, after another random dinner date cancellation, I finally had some clarity and went G.I. Jane on his ass to confirm that my suspicions were true.  He was being unfaithful.  I never thought I would use Gucci as a weapon, but that night it couldn't be swung hard enough at the man that shattered the passion and optimism that was once so deeply engrained in me about 'Happily Ever After'.

Fast forward eighteen months later to October 2011.  We haven't spoken in over a year and we are now on our separate planes to Florida where he will stand at the altar as the Best Man and I on the other side as a Bridesmaid.  As I flew over the great states located in between Los Angeles and Miami, I couldn't help but have flash backs to that fateful night and yet feel a sense of hope that it would be nice to see him as I am sure he had grown up and changed his life to be a better man. 

The rehearsal occurs without an exchange or even acknowledgement of each other's presence.  Then at dinner, I greet him hello with confidence and warmth.  He gives an equally warm response and we go our separate ways.  Later that night I go up to his girlfriend to simply introduce myself (I mean, she must have been staring with angst all night at the blonde across the way that once had captured her man's heart, right?!).  I try to be the bigger person and even say "It's a pleasure to meet you.  I have heard some really nice things about you."  She smiles and warms up at the comment and after another moment of small talk I walk away.

The next morning, as we prepare to send my dear friend down the aisle, I beam with confidence and pride at how we can all grow and learn from even the darkest of experiences.  My closest girlfriends all came up to me at the reception to show their support and inquire about how I am doing with the whole "Ex #2" situation.  I share the story of our exchanges and say how we have all grown up and changed for the better -- it is a great feeling!  NOPE.  Thanks for playing, but try again!  Guess what?!  One of the girls then tells me, "Oh, she has no idea who you are.  All of the groomsmen have told us that he opted not to tell her anything about you.  In her eyes, you were a random wedding party member that simply said hello."  My mouth dropped.  This poor girl!  Everyone in the wedding and most peers in attendance know the history between me and #2 and all are watching us glide through the night with careful ability to rarely cross paths and this whole time he is keeping this secret from her and putting her in the position of 'Last to know' -- that we even dated (!) -- heaven forbid he tell her the truth of his behavior.  Worse yet, maybe never to know!

I returned from the weekend with new introspect and a reality check that while things happen in life that allow us to grow and learn...the bottom line is that the core of who we are rarely ever changes.

I hope to be a good and honest person to all those I come across in life and to work hard at keeping integrity as my center of gravity.  Do you know what defines your character and core?  Have you made it a point to live it out loud every day in your words and actions?