SPEAK NOW...OR ???

True friends are supposed to be dutifully honest and candid with one another -- true or false?  I struggled with this riddle over the weekend as I realized that a longtime friend of mine has developed a friendship with someone that I don't entirely see eye-to-eye with on....well, most all matters in life.   It isn't an issue of being right or wrong, we are just different.  And, for the most part, that's ok.  But what happens if you start to feel that something is taking place that is slowly approaching the line between different and 'not good'?  Do you speak up?

I, probably like many of you, have developed deeply rooted opinions as I have become more educated and have experienced many authentic moments in life.  These opinions might have first started with my upbringing and elementary education, but at some point there was a dramatic shift.  The shift began to transpire while in college as I realized that I was very much in the driver's seat of my future and no longer in the passenger's seat watching a parent guide the wheel.  My values, beliefs, and habits only became more ingrained in me as I lived life in my 20's and experienced peaks and valleys in both my personal and professional life.  This is no tall tale and I am confident that many of you can nod your head in agreement with this similar timeline of self discovery and development of affirmations. 

Now we have our voice, we like our voice, and we stand behind our voice.  With this realization there is acknowledgement of there being a voice on the other side of the table that is in conflict with your beliefs -- opposition to your opinions. 

I realized this past weekend that up to this point in life, I have had the distinct luxury of selecting my friends and, ultimately, deciding who is a part of my life.  At some point this changes and we must face personalities that, perhaps, we would rather not encounter in the first place.  A coworker.  A fellow mom in your neighborhood 'Mommy and Me' class.  The girlfriend of one of your boyfriend's friends.  A new friend of one of your old friends.

I found myself approaching a very dangerous zone this weekend -- the bad mouthing zone.  It is a place where I start to voice my opinion and in order to make a statement I must contrast it against something or someone with the ultimate goal of putting my perspective in bright light and the other's in a dark place.  Sounds innocent enough, right?  But then I held my tongue.

Our challenge, as decent human beings, is to maintain our opinions and values with integrity.  This means speaking with constructive criticism and showing respect to our fellow beings.  If I haven't lost you yet in my stream of consciousness about life and relationships then I will leave you with this to ponder:  At what point are we to know better than to think that we know best?